I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
