Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
