Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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