Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
