I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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