A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
