Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
