He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
