whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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