My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
