I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
