What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
