In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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