Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
