he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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