I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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