Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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