Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
