My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
