how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize