we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
