I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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