Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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