so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
