I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
