I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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