I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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