it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
