i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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