You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
