I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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