I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
