he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
