my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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