I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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