once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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