I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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