she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
