would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just forgot I was standing up.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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