A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
