My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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