We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
ok first of all what the fuck
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
