fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
