words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
