do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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