I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just want to make out with him forever
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
