just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
