You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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