she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it was like eating out sand paper
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
