Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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