just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
