i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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