Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize