Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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