Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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