Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
