Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
