when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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