If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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