One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
