You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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