I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
