hell yes lets make some ravioli
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Someone signed my nipple.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
