Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
