If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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