I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
