he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
